Ponderings

This is funny, while I am currently away from Q-Town on a matter of personal importance. Everyone seems to have lost their minds. Why is that? I left a group of people that I trust the most in charge of my baby, in hopes of building bridges, as well as a start up for something much greater. I can not tell you of this now, it would ruin the surprise and not let me obtain my ultimate goal. I have been given an assignment from a friend, to find a game programmer, so if any of you are out there and happen to read this,, leave me a way to contact you in the comments.

Anyway, I am continuing on my journey of understanding. My current goal is to understand myself, and my relationships to others. Weird, I thought I knew myself better than what I am discovering. I find myself getting involved with someone that I probably shouldn't even give the time of day. Already she is talking about hooking up on a more physical level, and this was one day after meeting me. Now some would say that this is my ego talking, but I could forward the e-mail she sent me. It was subtle, but brought her point across nicely. "but if we do hang out I will defenitely not be drinking cause you drink to hard of drinks for me and all my friends to handle!! (lol) anywayzs,my friend kasey wants to know if you have any friends that you could hook her up with cause she needs sum booty just as bad as I do lol!!!" This is an excerpt from the e-mail for all those nay-sayers. Now what should I do. Take her up on her offer and smash it, and get one of my friends to smash her friend Kasey. I mean really, if this was four years ago, I would not have hesitated to have them both. Now I am having moral quandaries about one. Let alone the hook-up she is asking me for. What should I do my friends, do I go for it? Is that right for me to do. She is younger than me, and definitely not ready for what I can do to her heart and her mind. And no phoenix, she is not a minor, just younger. And yes, that was my ego talking in the sentence prior to the latter. I usually talk to Shark or The Voice, or both, about these kinds of situations. You guys know the kind, when I actually have moral dilemmas outside of my normal guidelines. I am just not sure either of them want to hear it or deal with my petty dilemmas over their own great tribulations right now.

I am ashamed to say Dante, but my little venture in Kosher food, well, it didn't work out, again. I know, I am at risk of losing my players card, but hey, women can be strange creatures. She said that she just wants to enjoy being with me without all the attachments of a relationship. I explained that I never look for relationships, but sometimes they just happen. She said " all I want is to fuck my brains out, then dive back into school like before." This was her invitation to her holiday "feast" that I received. I don't mind being used, just tired of the same old same old. I know, a major case of the SSDD syndrome there, but that is the way it is. Learning that I like to choose who gets the chance to use me is strange. She knows what I can do to her, she likes it, but can I live up to whatever hype she has created in her mind from a few months of high tensioned passion.

Anyway, I am off to the Alliance, a rpg sim online that I joined at the behest of our esteemed firebird Pheonix. Till next time.

PEACE

Q

When in Danger or in Doubt,

Run in circles,

Scream and Shout.

R.A.H.